Troubled

In fear of
My next death
Is the way I’m
Forced to live
When expecting
Each new moment
To become
That sudden last

Clenching
Near this chest
With an ache
Obscenely different
As the one
Which pains before it
And drives me
Raving mad

Diffuse
Without a trace
Or cause
I can establish
So vague
To keep me guessing
Where in doubt
I find some truth

Reaching
What they warned
Is the loss
Of keeping purpose
But achieving
Clearest freedom
By virtue
Of gaining none

Taking
That next step
Through romantic
Ideations
Of heroes
Seeking absence
As a remedy
To their ills

Claiming
Tragic ends
Are the pill
I’ve always needed
And embracing
Bravest monsters
Like the stones
We left unturned

For most
Could use real help
Despite their lies
Of protest
From smiles
Hiding secrets
No darkness
Ever speaks

Omission
By release
Of a blankness
Clearly stated
In the note
They leave adjacent
To the rope
Which swings alone

Silent
As that end
Which tells us
Almost nothing
Except this fact
They’ve bartered
With misery
Long enough

Troubled
By their Lord
As if they’ve been
Forgiven
But villified
Even after
Redemption
Takes its toll.

Yes I’ve waited
Long enough
For that chance
To fake abandon
So don’t mind me
If I wallow
In these symptoms
Even more –

While they make
The greatest sense
To people
Always grieving
Such comfort
Through their worship
Is the hurt
Which never tells,

Agony
Playing games
With the heart
Of those bear it
And prayers
A blessed suicide
For the body
Breaking down

Believing
Every choice
Is an answer
Not exclusive
To the fate
That’s predetermined
Of a rest
Which has no peace.

– J. Pigno

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