Self-Loathing Male

Hello
I’m a self-loathing male
Of which I deserve
Your deep hatred
For I’ve spent
My life
Disappointing
All the women
Who loved me
The most

Running away
When I’m scared
Rather
Than seeking
Their guidance
Or accepting truth
In those comments
Which prove
How my ego
Was bruised

Kissing
Then fleeing
The scene
Yet panicking quick
When I’m lonely
Seeking embrace
From a partner
Just to realize
My passion
Is dead

Empty
From fearing
The best
Of what this life
Has created
As a dreadful
Lie of exposure
Where feelings
Can signal
The end

Our cycle
Of intimate sin
Fortunate now
To be certain
That desire
From tangible
Instinct
Is a physical
Need
We pursue

Making it
No less
Wrong
Abandoning hurt
By rejection
And ignoring
Hearts
Staying open
Though judged
Superficially still –

Cause really
It’s always
Men
Using looks
As excuses
Or believing
Rage
Is a constant
Born of pasts
They create

As I struggle
To sleep
Every night
Engaging God
Seeking penance
Imploring Christ
For an answer
And hearing
Him whisper
I’m wrong.

– J. Pigno

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